look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
