he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
