Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
