We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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