new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
