don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
