It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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