And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
