I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
