Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
