I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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