We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
