Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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