3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
