I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
