There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
