Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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