I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
