Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
