I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
