is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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