Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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