i barfeds in our rink
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
