Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
