Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
