Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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