Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
