I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
