is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
