Tell her she can't have a vagina
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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