you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
