hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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