Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
