why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
