it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
