Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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