We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
