I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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