i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
