think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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