Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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