dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
