last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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