i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
