omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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