you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
