Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How external is "for external use only"?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
