i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
