you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
