Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
