i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize