I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
